Avoiding Train Wrecks
by salianne
Summary: What would have happened if they didn't get together after the first time? AU


Title: Avoiding Train-wrecks

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Christian/Oliver

Language: English

Warning: Sexual Content

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just like to play with 'em.

Summary: What would have happened if they didn't get together after the first time? AU

The train was unusually crowded for a Saturday afternoon. Ollie was sure that he had never been so hot in his entire life. The heat wave had taken hold of the city earlier in the week and was refusing to let go and now it seemed like everyone in town had the same idea. Escape.

Ollie's tiny studio apartment in Chelsea had no air conditioning and the box fan he bought at the thrift store just wasn't cutting it. The last few days hadn't so bad because Ollie worked during the heat of the day, grabbed a late dinner on the way home from his meetings, and by the time he made it to his little piece of the city, the air was a bit cooler. Today though, Ollie realized how hot his little place could be when the sun burned bright, so he decided to take in a movie. The theatre was definitely cooler, but still felt too warm and muggy from the sweat of others.

The train smelled of hundreds of very hot people. Ollie was never so happy to hear his station being called over the train's speaker. He needed to get away from the sweltering mass of people. Ollie made his way to the doors, positioning himself directly in front of the line in between that would soon part as the doors opened. Ollie intended to be out before those doors had a chance to complete their slide. As the train slowed for Ollie's stop, he grabbed the bar above his head. _24-Hour Protection my ass - God - I stink! _

The doors finally opened up. Hot, moist air slammed against Ollie's skin. He stepped out of the train and slammed into a sweaty man who was busy looking at his subway map instead of where he was walking. _Tourist!_ Ollie thought to himself and chuckled. Mr. Sweaty dropped his map, so Ollie bent down to retrieve it for the poor guy.

"Can I help you figure out your route?" Ollie said as he stood to hand the tourist his map.

"Ollie?" The tourist took the map from Ollie, looking directly into his eyes.

Ollie, usually a happy-go-lucky-chatterbox, found himself utterly speechless. He stared at the blue eyes looking back at him with his mouth slightly opened, eye brows furrowed, and heart racing.

An automated voice announced the doors would be closing.

"This is my train. See ya, Ollie."

Ollie could feel a different kind of heat as the sweaty man squeezed past him to get on the train. He watched as the train pulled away, still slack-jawed and speechless, eyes locked with Christian until the train disappeared into the tunnel.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Christian was almost sure he had the right train. He took one final look at the map just to make sure as the train pulled into the station. Christian found New York City to be rather easy to get around. If he read his map right, his hotel is eight stops up. Christian heard the swoosh of the train doors opening and felt the blast of cool air escape. As the rush of air washed over his sweaty skin, he felt a heavenly, brief second of relief from the heat. _That feels fantastic! _ Christian stepped forward, wanting his body to be inside of the train and out of the heat. He was still looking at the map and didn't notice the passenger bolting from the train directly in front of him. They slammed together, Christian's map fluttered to the ground. _ Idiot!_

The idiot bent to pick up Christian's map, offering assistance as he did so. Once he stood again, eye-to-eye, to hand Christian his map - Christian felt his heart skip a beat.

"Ollie?"

Christian felt himself captured by Ollie's eyes. The eyes looking back at him where crystal-clear, more green than blue. _Depends on what he wears - I remember how blue your eyes are when you wear brown._ Christian waited to hear Ollie's voice, but Ollie only looked at him. His eye brows were gathered in the middle, the look of Ollie feeling confused. Christian's eyes briefly darted to Ollie's mouth, his full lips parted slightly open. Christian could see his tongue, and wondered what Ollie's reaction would be if he kissed him. Christian heard an announcement about the doors closing and knew he needed to get on that train.

"This is my train. See ya, Ollie." Christian brushed past Ollie, feeling his heat. Christian thought Ollie's sweat smelled intoxicating.

As Christian watched Ollie stand there, in the exact spot where they crashed into each other, he filled with fresh regret. _Why didn't I just miss the fucking train and talk to him?_ Then he wondered what Ollie was doing in New York.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Five years?" Meg said as she took a big swig of her microbrew.

"Five years, two months, three weeks, and three days...give or take." Ollie said, raising one finger in the air to let the waitress know they needed more liquid therapy.

"What's he doing here? I thought you and he split up in Dusseldorf."

"How am I supposed to know why he is here? I mean, seriously, what are the odds. I live in one of the most populated cities in the world, an ocean away from the guy I am STILL trying to recover from...FIVE YEARS LATER...and he rides on my train, choses my car, and stands in front of my door. They're right - God does hate fags." Ollie gulped the remaining half of his beer just as the fresh round arrived at the table.

"You didn't ask him why he's here?" Meg was perplexed. She would have had a million questions for the German heartbreaker.

"I didn't say anything at all. I just stood there like an asshole. I never thought I would see him again. I moved across the world, for god's sake. Shit!" Ollie's face scrunched up, his eyes looked twice their usual size.

Meg recognized that look. Ollie was in pain. "Ollie, why is it getting to you so much? So you saw your ex? So what. There is no way you will run into him again. Lightening will not strike twice - Sweet-pea." Meg grabbed Ollie's forearm, giving him a loving squeeze.

"It's just that seeing him brought back old feelings. I feel like I've been punched in the gut - just like I felt that night I left."

"YOU left HIM? I always thought he left you - I mean, the way you are all hung up on him and everything." Meg settled in for a long night - she wasn't leaving until she heard the whole story - and neither was Ollie.

"I'm not sure either is exactly right. We were never officially together - so I suppose neither of us left in the break-up sense of the word. I'm the one who moved out is what I mean." Ollie said - staring into his beer.

"Wait - you LIVED together? This isn't adding up, Ollie. Were you together or not? If you weren't together, then why are you still so messed up over him. How could you still be this hung-up on a crush you had five years ago?"

"We were flat-mates. And you're right - I did have a crush on him. Huge! But he lived with his girlfriend, and I was okay with that. It was nice to crush on him - you know - felt exciting. Then he started having problems with his girlfriend. One day she kissed me - or maybe I kissed her - it's really hard to say. It all came out eventually - the kiss. He got so mad at me - who could blame him. He demanded to know why I would do that - kiss my friend's girl - especially when I claim to be gay. I didn't know how to explain it - I'm not sure I really understood it all myself - I kissed her to be close to him - as messed up as that is."

"So, is that when you moved out?" Meg thought this didn't sound so traumatic.

"No. We worked it out. Sort of. I mean - he kept pushing for an explanation - and I couldn't think of how to explain myself. So I kissed him. I kissed him in the middle of the locker room at a super homophobic boxing club gym. I was lucky he didn't kick my ass right on the spot!" Ollie chuckled at the memory. He remembered how Christian tried to wipe off his kiss - it was pretty funny.

"I'm surprised he didn't!" Meg meant that, too.

"Yeah - so anyway - eventually I told him that I loved him. Which really freaked him out. I tried to fix it the next day by down-playing my feelings. I told him it was a simple crush - not a big deal - and he seemed to chill out about it. We sort of settled into a pattern of civility. But - of course nothing like that stays secret and eventually it all came out. Soon everyone knew I kissed him. Things happened pretty fast after that. They broke up, he became impossible, and then suddenly we were in bed." Ollie said the last four words as if he were in a dream.

"It was all down hill from there - I was on a plane to New York a month later."

"Wait - wait - wait. He just went from straight to gay over night? I don't buy it. You left out a few details there in the middle Ollie. And you still haven't explained why you left."

Ollie's eyes looked like he was far away - probably all the way to Germany, Meg thought to herself. She ordered another round and waited for Ollie to fill in the blanks.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**Dusseldorf **

"Christian. I'm not leaving. We have to work this out. We can't go on like this. You'll have to come out eventually - and I'll be right here." Ollie stood on the other side of Christian's closed door.

Suddenly the door flew open. Christian pushed Ollie across the hall until he was crushed against the opposite wall. Christian held Ollie's shirt in his fists as he slammed Ollie's body against the wall a couple of times.

"Look you little fag, I've already told you I want to forget that you and I ever happened. I don't know what you THINK tonight was about - but don't think for a MINUTE that I was in any way jealous. You can fuck whoever you want, Ollie. I don't give a shit. I was trying to be a good friend. That guy at the club is an asshole. But, from now on - you can just get fucked over." Christian gave Ollie one last slam against the wall and let go of his shirt, turned, and walked back into his bedroom.

Ollie followed, "Christian. You're lying to yourself. You know as well as I do that you feel the same way about me as I do about you. That's why you started that fight last night with the guy at the club - you were jealous. Let's just talk about it so we can be normal with each other. I can't stand the way you are acting these days." Ollie's plead.

"OLLIE! You are the one lying to yourself. How many times do I have to tell you that I was just experimenting?"

"You said that you couldn't get me out of your head. That you couldn't stop thinking about kissing me. You said I made you feel hot and nervous." Ollie reminded Christian of the chat room confessions. "Christian, you can't deny it. I mean, I was there too - when we made love - you responded to me, to my touch. You touched me like you meant it. And you did everything like it was so natural for you. It was beautiful. You and I were..."

"SHUT UP! God - Ollie. You sound like a girl! Jeez-us! Ollie, we DID NOT make love. I hate to break this to you fairy-boy, but I fucked you. Period. End of story. That is all it was and all it will ever be...or better yet - NEVER BE AGAIN!" Christian pushed Ollie in the chest with both hands as he said the last three words.

"You can stay in denial, then. Go ahead. But you will remain angry and moody and impossible until you come to terms with this. Once you free yourself from your fear and denial - everything will feel better." Ollie reached to touch Christian in a reassuring way on his shoulder.

Christian grabbed Ollie's wrist and twisted it away from him.

"Ow - stop it Christian, you're hurting me!" Ollie's eyes welled up.

"Then you listen to me - and you listen carefully. Don't touch me - ever again. I don't want to see you near my room. I don't want to see you near the bathroom if I am in there. I don't even want your shit touching my shit in the refrigerator. Do you got that. I AM NOT GAY. Sleeping with you was exactly what I needed to clear up any confusion your kiss had burdened me with. YOU kissed ME, Ollie. So I'm not going to feel bad that I fucked you to figure out what the hell you did to my head." Christian let go of Ollie's wrist.

Ollie stood his ground, his eyes were tearing up and his voice shaking. "I WAS THERE! You can't lie to me - I was there and I know you loved it, Christian. You loved it and you love me." Ollie's eyes were defiant.

Christian spoke in a low, controlled tone, "Okay - Ollie - you are forcing me to be honest here - aren't you? You just won't stop until I tell you the truth. So, I'll say it. You want it so bad - I'll just say it, then."

Ollie's face softened and he stepped toward Christian, reaching for his arm. Christian grabbed his wrist again, threw his arm back and pushed Ollie out into the hall again.

"The truth, Ollie, is that being with you didn't just reinforce my heterosexuality - being with you made me sick - literally. I threw up. I didn't tell you that to spare your feelings - but I THREW UP that's how sick it felt to fuck you. The sooner I can forget about it the better. But, you are ALWAYS there, Ollie. In my face. Even when you're not here - you are here! You know that when your gym clothes are in the hamper in the bathroom - I smell your sweat and feel like throwing up all over again. When I was with you, that night, your smell made me sick, Ollie. You smell manly - the more you sweat the more disgusting it is. Honestly - I don't know how anyone could stand to fuck you, Ollie. Just leave me alone so I can forget about it and get on with my life." Christian turned away from Ollie - he couldn't believe he had just been so cruel to such a good guy. He didn't want Ollie to look at him, because he would surely see that Christian didn't mean it. If Christian were being REALLY honest he would have his face buried in Ollie's neck, breathing in Ollie's scent. The truth is that Ollie smelled better than anyone he has ever been with in his life. The truth is that being with Ollie, smelling him, kissing him, tasting him - feeling every inch of skin and muscle and all the variation of hair on his body - felt like home. The truth is that Christian loved Ollie more than he ever loved anyone. That he began falling in love with Ollie from the moment he first saw him. And the truth is that all of it scared Christian out of his mind - because it meant losing everything. He couldn't risk that. "Just stay away from me, Ollie. Eventually - we can get back to normal."

Ollie stood in the hall, he knew his face was wet and he probably looked as heartbroken as he felt. It was the first time Ollie had ever wished he had a harder shell - so Christian wouldn't have the satisfaction of seeing his heart break right here in the hallway of the flat they shared. "Okay - I believe you. I'm sorry I forced myself on you, Christian. I didn't mean to hurt you - or whatever it is I did to you. I can respect your feelings. Don't worry - you won't see me again."

Ollie took two steps toward Christian. Christian thought he was going to try to hug him, but instead Ollie pulled Christian's door closed. The last he saw of Ollie was his shadow disappearing down the hall.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Christian slid his key card into the hotel door lock and walked into the chill of the air conditioned room. "What do you have the air set on, subzero?"

"Hey - you're back. How was your meeting?"

"Gregor, you look like shit. Have you been taking your antibiotics. You look worse now that you did this morning." Christian felt Gregor's forehead. "You're burning up."

"That explains why I'm so hot! Is it hot in here?" Gregor looked clammy. "Now tell me how the meeting went. I hate that I missed it!"

"It went really well. It looks like Gold's is interested. I also set something up with Bally's and LA Fitness for Tuesday - I hope you're better by then. This is really your thing - I'm the developer - you're the sales team." Christian peeled off his clothes to hop into the shower. He felt as if he were covered in a film from the hot, sticky day.

"I ran into an old friend today." Christian said as he walked toward the bathroom.

"Here? Huh...what are the chances? Who did you run into?" Gregor talked louder so Christian could hear him over the running shower.

"Ollie."

"Ollie? Oliver Sable?" Gregor asked as he walked into the bathroom, sitting on the closed toilet.

"Yep. Isn't that crazy? He was getting off the train and I literally ran into him."

"Well, how is he? What's he up to. Why is he here? Does he live here? What has he been up to over the last five years? How does he look?" Gregor was feeling more disappointed that he was sick today. He missed Ollie.

"The only thing I can tell you is that he looks great. He looks greater than great..." Christian poked his head out of the shower curtain, "...he looks better than ever, Gregor."

"Didn't you ask him what he's been up to?"

"Didn't get the chance - it was a quick exchange - my train was leaving." Christian put his face under the stream of water, hoping that would stop the regret from taking over again.

"Wow - I can't believe it. I didn't think we'd ever see him again after he disappeared. I wonder if he lives here." Gregor ran out of the bathroom.

His brother was on the phone when Christian walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. "...so, like I sad, we are staying at the Marriott Times Square. Room 2403. Give us a call when you get this - both Christian and I would love to catch up with you. We are here until next Sunday afternoon."

Christian looked at Gregor, frozen. "What was that?"

"That was me leaving a voice mail for Oliver Sable - he lives here. Looks like he lives somewhere in or near Manhattan." Gregor said as he held the phone book close to his face.

"You looked him up? How did you know he even lived here?"

"I didn't - so I thought I would find out." Gregor held the phone book up toward Christian. "Look - there he is. Oliver Sable."

"There are probably hundreds of Oliver Sable's in Manhattan. It's probably not even him." Christian walked back into the bathroom, suddenly feeling a mixture of anxiety and hopeful anticipation. _What if it is him?_

Gregor followed Christian into the bathroom. "I don't get you. You run into an old friend - who we haven't seen in FIVE years - and you don't even stop long enough to find out what he's been doing, maybe ask him what happened to make him leave without saying goodbye. Then, I find him and you are acting like you aren't even interested in seeing him. Aren't you at least curious?"

"About what?" Christian did his best to sound uninterested.

"About Ollie! Don't you want to ask him what the hell happened?" Gregor couldn't understand Christian's apathy. He knew how close they were, and how fond Christian was of Ollie.

"If he wanted to be found we would have heard from him. I'm sure he has a very good reason for walking away and never turning back. He has no interest in seeing us Gregor, even if it is Ollie you just left a message for, he won't be calling you back. I can promise you that."

"You don't know that, Christian. He may be ready for a familiar face from the past to show up. I'm sure he gets homesick. I don't know why you would assume anything else."

Christian looked at himself in the mirror, wishing he had the courage to explain it all to his brother - to free himself from years of hiding himself from everyone. He thought it ironic that the only person on the planet who really knew him - would never want to see him again. Christian made sure of that. _I really know how to weld my closet shut._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

**Dusseldorf**

Christian helped their new flat mate, Judith, carry boxes into the flat. It had been over a week since Ollie had left. Christian stopped by Schnieder's two days earlier, Charley told him that Ollie took some time off to take a holiday. When Christian asked where he went, Charley froze him out.

"Where did you say Ollie went?" Judith asked as she put a box in the kitchen.

"He's on holiday. What's in the box?" Christian pointed to the box she left on the kitchen counter.

"It's my coffee maker, the most amazing coffee maker in the history of coffee makers!"

"Oh. You know, Ollie really likes his coffee maker, so..." Christian did not know why he was making a big deal about Ollie's coffee maker. Knowing Ollie, he would be accommodating and welcome Judith's fancy machine, happily storing his away.

"I'm sure Ollie will forget all about his old machine once he has a taste of the heavenly brew mine makes! But, I'll wait until he returns to try to persuade him, until then it will stay in the box - promise!"

Two days after Judith moved in, Christian walked into the flat to change his clothes after classes. He only had a few minutes to get down to No Limits for his shift and wasn't paying attention, but something about the flat seemed different. He assumed Judith must have rearranged something, but didn't have time to figure it out. Just as he was leaving to head downstairs, Judith came home.

"Hey!" Judith greeted him.

"Hey, Judith. I need to run to work." Christian said and he brushed by Judith to the door. "Did you do something to the flat? It looks different somehow."

"Oh - yeah - it is. I thought you knew. Ollie came by this morning and moved his stuff out. He said you knew he was moving." Judith walked to the table and picked up an envelope. "He left this for you, I'm guessing it's rent money. Feels thick."

Christian looked at the envelope that Judith held out for him. A million thoughts racing through his mind. He never thought Ollie would take it this far. He always came around, no matter how badly Christian behaved. Christian did not expect Ollie to actually LEAVE. Christian knew he needed to fix this. He would figure out what to say to make Ollie come back. Christian felt a tiny bolt of fear run through him as he thought about losing Ollie. "Just leave it there, I'll take a look at it later."

Christian struggled to concentrate that night. He was screwing up orders, running out of mixes. His thoughts raced trying to figure out the words he would say to Ollie. He never really had to apologize to Ollie before, he never thought he actually needed to apologize to Ollie. Christian walked around with an arrogance when it came to his relationship with Ollie. He assumed that since Ollie had been so open with him about how he felt, Ollie kissed him after all, that Ollie was partially at fault for Christian's behavior. _What did he expect - coming on to a straight guy?_

This time was different though. Christian knew he went too far with the most recent act of duck-and-cover. This time he KNEW Ollie deserved an apology - he did nothing to deserve the cruel words that Christian threw at him. _How am I going to make it better without telling him that I lied - that anyone would be lucky to possess Ollie - to call Ollie their lover. How do I NOT tell him he is all I think about - that when I am in the bathroom I sometimes take a shirt he has recently worn to the gym and hold it to my face so I can breathe him into me. How do I tell him I didn't mean what I said to him while avoiding him finding out that I am madly - deeply - in love with him?_

Christian locked up No Limits and hurried to his flat. He took the envelope off the table and locked himself in his room. Judith was right - the envelope felt thick. He ran his finger across the seal. _Ollie licked this. Ollie's tongue licked this._ Christian held the open seal up to his lips, and kissed it. He pulled a folded piece of paper out of the envelop and opened it. Folded inside of the paper, was a stack of money. He saw that Ollie had written a note on the paper. Christian tossed the cash to the floor as his eyes devoured the words written in Ollie's hand.

Dear Christian,

I hope this will be enough to cover my part of the rent until you can find someone to take over my share. I am sorry to walk out on my obligation to you, but I find myself unable to face you. I think this would make it very difficult to live with you. (It's OK to laugh at that - I am.) The last few months with you have been so valuable for me. I have learned so much about myself, and my selfishness. I promise you that I will be more careful with people that I care about in the future. I thank you for teaching me this lesson. I only wish I had learned it sooner - before I was reckless with you. I realize now that I just took what I wanted, without thinking about you at all. You will never know how much I regret that, Christian. I am sorry. I hope you can make it right with CoCo now that you are no longer confused. I'm sorry for that. When I kissed you, I was only trying to make you understand that I wasn't trying to take CoCo from you - I was trying to be closer to you - because I had fallen so, so hard for you. I'm so sorry for that. Please believe that I didn't know you were Guest84. I swear. I thought I was talking to a new friend who was struggling to come out. I know that after everything I have put you through, it will be hard for you to believe that - but it's true. I didn't know. So, the night you took Rascal's advice was not the end of a master-manipulation on my part. I honestly believed that you were just finally coming out - that you were allowing yourself to experience all the feelings you had for me. I heard your voice behind the typed words of Guest84 in my head. So, I experienced that night in a much different way than you, Christian. I experienced that night as my first time with the man I had fallen in love with, who also loved me. Because Guest84 was in my heart. I realize now that you were hearing Rascal's typed words in your head - and taking his advice. I get that now. I mean, the only way you'll know of you like the fruit is to taste it - right? (You can laugh at that, too - I used the fruit metaphor on purpose.) Afterward when you became so temperamental, I assumed you were just freaking out, I know my first time freaked me out. I just wanted to be there for you, to support you. I understand that to you it felt like I was stalking you. I'm sorry for that, too. I do appreciate that you spared my feelings. You were trying to be a good friend to me. Thank you for that. I'm sorry that I pushed you and pushed you. I don't blame you for finally telling me the truth. I am not angry with you. I needed to know how you really felt. I'm going to take myself on a dream vacation - clear my head - figure out why I treated you so badly. I may write to CoCo someday - she deserves an apology from me as well. I am so very, very sorry. Please know that my terrible behavior came from these feelings I have for you that are so strong and intense. I will always love you and care for you. Hopefully, I will figure out a way to do that without hurting you or making you uncomfortable.

Christian, please find a way to forgive me.

If you need more money from me, Charley has access to my account and I have instructed her to give you whatever you ask for.

With love from your friend - Oliver

"Oh, Ollie." Christian said out loud.

Christian read Ollie's letter over and over. He picked up the cash from the floor and was shocked to find 15,000 euros. Christian walked across his room, took a box from the bottom shelf, and placed Ollie's letter and cash there. He took out the last letter he received from CoCo - the day that she left for Goa - and ripped it into tiny pieces. Christian closed the box and replaced it on the shelf. He vowed to himself that the next time he saw Ollie he would tell him the truth. He would tell Ollie that he has nothing to be sorry about.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ollie got home pretty late. He and Meg had a few too many, and Ollie just wanted to collapse into his bed and sleep. As he brushed is teeth, he pushed the play button on his answering machine.

"Ollie? I'm not sure this is your number, so if you are not Ollie from Dusseldorf, please ignore this message. If you are Ollie, please listen to this message and do exactly as I say! Ollie, it's Gregor. Christian and I are here in New York on business and we would love to see you. We are staying at the Marriott Times Square. I'm not sure where that is in relation to your place - from the phone book I see you are in Manhattan - that is close, no? Maybe we can have dinner together this week. Ollie, I have really missed you, and I know Christian has as well...so, like I said, we are staying at the Marriott Times Square. Room 2403. Give us a call when you get this - both Christian and I would love to catch up with you. We are here until next Sunday afternoon."

"Shit." Ollie said under his breath, with a mouth full of toothpaste.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ollie stared at the ceiling most of the night. He got up twice to listen to Gregor's message from two days earlier again. Seeing Christian at the train woke something inside of Ollie, and Gregor's voice poked that waking beast with a stick. His nerves were buzzing and he was breathing faster than usual. He had walked away from Christian five years ago and never looked back. While enjoying his dream vacation in the States, driving across the US in a convertible, following the legendary Route 66 - he decided that he needed to be as far from Christian as possible if he were ever going to get over him. Ollie wasn't sure what to make of the way his feelings for Christian completely took over - but he knew that he couldn't work through them in Dusseldorf. Once he reached the beaches of the west coast, he called an old friend who had once worked on a cruise ship with him. Meg lived in New York now, and she was thrilled to hear Ollie's voice. They talked for hours, Ollie feeling relieved to unload his burden with someone. She invited him to stay with her until he could figure out his next step. His life just fell into place after that. While visiting Meg, she needed someone to help her navigate a linguistic and cultural barrier during negotiations and product testing with a German company. Ollie was happy to help his friend. He was surprised by how easily it came to him, not just the translation, but the business sensibility. Others were just as impressed and he soon found himself putting off travel to take advantage of offers for consultation work. Eventually, Meg convinced his to stay in New York and try his hand at his own consulting firm. Sable Consulting Services was born - and Ollie's business has been nonstop ever since.

As the minutes floated by on the LCD display of Ollie's alarm clock, he felt his anxiety decrease a little at a time. _Just because Gregor called me doesn't mean I need to call him back!_ Ollie began feeling more in control as he allowed himself the option of being rude. Ollie closed his eyes and concentrated on sleep. _Shit!_ His eyes flew open and he looked at the clock. He decided to get up and take and early run - sleep was not in the cards. Ollie had an early meeting with Meg, his most regular client, who was considering a new line of sports equipment for a west coast client. The run would help Ollie's brain function properly with no sleep.

A few hours later, Ollie stepped from the shower and heard his phone ringing. He listened as he dried himself, hoping that his meeting had not been postponed because his schedule was pretty chaotic for the next few weeks. He heard his recorded voice greet the caller in both English and German, and then the classic beep. He didn't hear a message though. He stepped out of the bathroom, thinking the person may be speaking softly, but there was nothing coming from the other end of the line except faint sounds of someone breathing. Ollie's machine hung-up after a minute of silence. Ollie walked back into the bathroom to shave, and the phone rang again. Ollie let the machine pick up. Again - there was nothing but breathing. It was starting to make Ollie uncomfortable. This repeated itself two more times before Ollie decided to answer the phone himself.

"Hello?" Ollie answered with a reasonable volume, but a definite edge to his voice. He was answered with immediate dial-tone. The phone didn't ring again.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Christian slammed the phone onto it's base hard. He was breathing way too fast. This morning when he found the number Gregor had written onto the hotel stationary, he felt himself tense up. Looking at Ollie's name caused him to feel every minute of regret, longing, and missed opportunity of the last five years in one single flood of emotion. He picked up the phone, not knowing what he would say if Ollie answered, and dialed. First, he heard Ollie's voice speaking in English - most of what he said Christian could understand. Then, Ollie spoke in German - and this made Christian feel weepy. The sound of Ollie's voice was soothing. Christian missed Ollie so much. When the machine beeped for Christian to leave a message, he found himself paralyzed. He didn't know what to say. This could be his only chance to tell Ollie he was sorry, that he didn't mean it, that he loved him then and loves him still, and that he would give anything to have a do-over of that night five years earlier. How does he say all of that in 30-seconds or less? Christian heard a dial-tone, the machine had ended the call.

He sat there looking at the phone for a few minutes - putting together his message for Ollie. He picked up the phone, dialed, listened with his heart in his throat as Ollie's voice instructed him to leave a message - and froze. Christian tried a few more times before Ollie himself answered. Christian slammed the phone down as unexpected fear took over. Christian swore at himself. He knew this may be his last chance to make things right with Ollie - at least to give Ollie what he deserves, the truth. _Why am I such a selfish coward?_

"Hey - what's with all the noise out here?" Gregor asked as he came from the bathroom, still wet from his shower.

"I dropped the phone."

"Well, stop destroying hotel property and get dressed - we need to be there in an hour." Gregor tossed Christian his shirt.

"You're feeling better!" Christian said with a bit of an edge.

"Yeah, good thing - with that attitude we wouldn't make a dime on this trip!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ollie was grateful for a break in the hot weather. Meg's office was not too far from his apartment, so he decided to walk, and walking in the heat from earlier in the week would have been impossible - especially in a suit and tie. It felt good to walk, he could clear his head a bit before the meeting. Ollie thought about the call from Gregor, and wondered if this morning's string of prank calls were related - maybe Christian. Ollie tried to talk himself out of that possibility - Christian couldn't get away fast enough when they bumped into each other on the train. Ollie was fooling himself to think Christian would feel compelled to call - let alone call obsessively. _Maybe he was drunk dialing?_

Ollie reached Meg's building and signed himself in at the guard desk. He knew Frank well by this point, after years of almost weekly meetings in the building.

"Hey! Germany! How they hanging, little brother!" Frank greeted Ollie with hearty smack on the shoulder.

"Hey, Sinatra! They are hanging right where they should be. How's the knee, today?" Ollie flinched at the power behind Frank's love-tap, but didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Oh - you know - good days and bad days. So far - so good today, though. Thanks for asking, Oliver. You're alright - you know that?" Frank smiled.

"I'm alright? Please, I'm so much better than alright, Frankie!" Ollie smiled wide and headed to the elevators.

Ollie heard Frank greeting other guests to the building as he walked away. He thought he heard Frank ask, in a tone that said he was speaking to foreigners, if they were meeting with Meg Brockett. Ollie started to turn to see if Frank was speaking to Meg's German clients so he could help them find their way when he heard Meg calling from the elevator.

"Come on, Ollie - I can't hold this thing all day!" Meg said.

Ollie ran to the waiting elevator. "Wow - you look super cute today! You're Megaliscious!"

"Do you think? How does my hair look?" Meg asked, sounding unusually insecure.

"Let me guess, Justin from Integrated Marketing? Will he be joining us at this meeting?" Ollie looked at Meg with a raised eyebrow, giggling.

"Shut up." Meg said, doing her best not to giggle too.

Ollie and Meg took their places at the conference room table so Ollie could review the proposal to be discussed in 30-minutes. Ollie opened the file and his face lost all color by the time he began reading the second paragraph. The proposal was between Meg's client and a German company called No Limits Fitness. Ollie started to feel anxious immediately upon reading the name of the company - but he assumed that it was due to his recent blast from the past that caused him to read so much of hist past into the name of the company. As he continued to read, he literally stopped breathing when his eyes reached the part of the proposal that included the names of the proprietors of No Limits Fitness - Gregor and Christian Mann.

"Meg - I can't do this one. I'm sorry." Ollie stood and bolted out of the room.

Meg watched her friend's back disappear from the door. She wasn't sure what just happened, but she was beginning to freak out because her client would be here any minute and her cultural and language expert just walked out on her. She chased after Ollie, catching him at the elevators.

"Ollie, what's going on? This isn't like you to just bail like that. I at least deserve to know why you are fucking this up for me." Meg glared at Ollie.

"Agh! God! I know - I'll get you someone - I swear. It just can't be me." Ollie pushed the elevator button repeatedly.

"OLLIE! What is wrong with you? I need someone RIGHT NOW! Now, tell me what's going on!" Meg grabbed Ollie by his shoulders, forcing him to look at her.

Ollie looked at his friend. He could see how unfair he was being. "Meg, it's him."

Meg had no idea what that was supposed to mean. "Who's him?"

"Christian. This meeting you set up for your client - it's with Christian." Ollie's eyes looked lost.

"Yeah - Christian Mann and his brother, Gregor. Do you know them?"

"Meg." Ollie's eyes begged to be understood. "Christian Mann is MY Christian."

"Shit. Ollie. I'm so sorry. I didn't know." Meg did feel terrible, but needed this meeting to work. "Ollie, I need you to take this meeting. I'm seriously screwed if this thing doesn't come together. Please."

"Meg, I don't think I can see him. I didn't realize how messed up I still am about him - but seeing him the other day - I'm such a mess. I can't stop thinking about him." Ollie wasn't really expressing himself, he really didn't know how to explain how he felt. How five years had done nothing to erase how he felt, the cosmic joke that his one-and-only could never love him. The problem with a one-and-only is that if it doesn't work, there's not much left.

"Ollie, please." Meg said in a quiet, desperate voice.

Ollie looked at Meg, saw that she was really counting him, and he knew that he was not capable of letting her down. "Don't leave me alone in there."

"Of course not." Meg assured him. "Thank you."

By the time they made it back to the conference room, there were only two empty chairs left at the table. Meg took the seat at the head of the table, leaving Ollie to sit in the chair directly across the table from Christian. Ollie looked at Christian, who wore a shocked expression, mouth open, eyes wide.

"Ollie?" Gregor broke the silence. "Oliver Sable - I can't believe it! What a small world - I left you a message the other day - and here you are!" Gregor stood and walked around the table.

Ollie stood to return Gregor's embrace. "Ollie, it is so good to see you. I have missed you so much." Gregor said as he hugged him firmly.

Ollie pulled himself away from Gregor, "It's good to see you as well."

"Shall we get started, then." Meg said in an attempt to save her friend from the awkward reunion.

Gregor took his seat, looking a bit confused and slightly offended.

Ollie looked across the table, seeing that Christian understood Ollie's anxiety. They locked eyes. Christian saw pain reflected back at him, Ollie saw regret.

The meeting was otherwise uneventful. Terms were proposed, negotiations took place, contracts were signed. Ollie was impressed with Gregor and Christian. The line of fitness equipment they developed was amazing. Ollie felt happy for them both, but mostly he felt happy that Christian had found success. Ollie had often wondered what became of Christian. He had just passed his final exam for the university and had begun to get into boxing again when they had parted ways. Ollie worried that Christian would struggle to find success because he was so insecure and so ashamed of his time in prison. Ollie was thrilled to see that the five years had been so kind to him.

Christian saw a side of Ollie that he didn't know existed. Ollie was confident and adept with business. He navigated the negotiation process, explaining cultural differences and intricacies in language fairly. In the end, Christian felt safe in this negotiation because he knew Ollie would look out for him. He wasn't sure why he knew that - Ollie could barely look at him - but he just knew.

Gregor caught Ollie before he could make his escape. He asked Ollie to join the brothers for dinner. Ollie politely declined.

"Ollie - we haven't seen you in five years - why wouldn't you want to catch up with old friends?" Gregor was hurt.

Ollie looked at Gregor, feeling guilty that he was hurting a person he still felt so fond of. Ollie then looked at Christian, who was now standing next to his brother. "Ask your brother." Ollie turned and walked away.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Gregor looked at his brother, waiting for him to speak. When they arrived back at the hotel, Christian told Gregor that he had something to tell him. Gregor had asked his brother a dozen times to explain what Ollie meant. "He told me to ask you - so I am asking." Christian took the time to figure out what to say - telling his brother he would explain everything once the were in their room.

Christian started from the beginning - which for Christian was the day he walked into his flat to find Ollie on the couch with Timo. He knew instantly that he loved Ollie - his jealousy made that very clear. He told Gregor about Ollie's kiss with CoCo and how he felt insanely jealous because he wanted Ollie to kiss him instead. When Ollie confronted him at the boxing club and Christian got that kiss - he felt his world spin out of control. Everything happened so fast after that. Before Christian knew what hit him, he had his tongue in Ollie's mouth, peeling Ollie's clothes off, taste-testing what his life could be if he would only stop fighting it. But, he couldn't stop fighting it, he fought it harder than ever. Christian ended with a replay of the last night he saw Ollie before he left. The confrontation, Ollie calling him out and Christian pulling out all the stops to deny his feelings. Christian cried as he shamefully remembered what he said to Ollie that night.

"Why would you do that Christian - I thought you loved him?" Gregor said sympathetically.

"LOVE him. That hasn't changed." Christian said, looking at his hands.

"So - why then?"

"I was afraid of losing you. I was afraid of it ruining my boxing career - that's a laugh, huh? I was afraid that I would be an outcast. I was afraid of how powerful my feelings were - it felt like if I went down that road I would lose myself. I have never felt such love for anyone - ever. It all felt perfect - and that just didn't compute in my brain." Christian knew that he was not making sense, he just hoped that his brother knew him well enough to understand.

"You are such a coward." Gregor said.

"I know."

"Ollie is a good guy, Christian. A kind soul with a big heart. I can't think of anyone - of either gender - who I would be more happy to call an in-law than Oliver Sable. I wish you could have to talked to me five years ago." Gregor grabbed Christian by the back of his neck, pulling him into a brotherly embrace.

"I'm sorry, Gregor. I should have had more faith in you. I should have had more faith in me. The only person I did have faith in was Ollie - and now it's too late." Christian held onto his brother.

Gregor pulled himself away from Christian, walked to the desk, pulled some cash from his backpack and handed it to Christian.

"What's this for?" Christian looked confused.

"Cab fare."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ollie left Meg at the club. She was happily engaged in conversation with a former boyfriend. Ollie wasn't in the mood for people, he had only gone because Meg didn't want to go alone. Ollie made himself some herbal tea and ran a nice, hot bath. He hoped to relax a bit after such an emotional day. Seeing Christian twice in one week had tipped Ollie's world on its axis. He had gotten good at putting Christian behind a wall in his soul so he wasn't burdened everyday with daydreams of what could have been. Now Ollie needed to repair his wall, which would take time. As he soaked in his bath, he wondered if things would have been different if he had just been stronger.

Part of him regretted that he allowed himself to take Christian's kiss to the next level. Ollie regretted that being with him intimately was such an unpleasant experience for Christian. He completely misread him that night. Ollie supposed it was wishful thinking that took control over his usual empathy. The other part of Ollie was glad that night turned out the way it did, he felt so close to Christian. He knew that the love he felt for Christian was special, because he had never felt that kind of electricity with anyone. Seeing Christian so unexpectedly brought all of those feelings back. Ollie felt so sad and alone and he longed to feel Christian's touch - and knowing that would never be made Ollie sob into his bubble bath.

Later Ollie lay in bed, staring at his ceiling. He left his shades open so the lights of the city would illuminate his apartment. The white noise from the street lulled Ollie into a dream-state - still awake, yet someplace else entirely. He and Christian were in the flat they shared. Ollie was laying on the couch, reading a book. Christian crawled on top of him, taking the book from his hands and kissing him. Ollie could feel Christian's body heat, feel his tongue searching his mouth for a playmate. Ollie could feel his heart beating faster, his breathing becoming faster.

The doorbell startled Ollie. He looked at the clock, it was 1:12 a.m. and Ollie figured it was Meg. She had a habit of showing up after a late night of drinking, mostly when she was rejected by some loser she had latched onto. Ollie would put her to bed and spoon her until morning.

"I told you he was an asshole..." Ollie said as he opened the door to find Christian's beautiful blue eyes looking back at him.

Christian stood outside of Ollie's door for what felt like days. Finally he mustered enough courage to push the doorbell. His heart was pounding in his ears, he almost ran, but then the door swung open.

"I told you he was an asshole…" Ollie was speaking as he opened the door, stopping mid-sentence when he saw who was standing at his door.

Christian swallowed the fear that had accumulated in his throat, "Expecting someone else?"

"Wow – you're a funny, funny man." Ollie said with mild contempt. "What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?"

"Gregor looked you up the other day. Ollie, can I come in for a minute? There is something I need to say to you." Christian's face was soft, almost sad.

"Can't you say it from out there?" Ollie's heart was pounding.

"Come on, Ollie. Please. I know I don't deserve it, but cut me some slack." Christian was almost begging.

Ollie looked at Christian for nearly a minute, contemplating his options. He could slam the door in Christian's face – which wasn't really Ollie's style. He could politely explain that he is not interested in anything Christian has to say – but that would be a lie – Ollie really wanted to know what was on Christian's mind. Ollie also thought about how great Christian looked, so incredibly handsome. Ollie moved to the side and let Christian pass – and he noticed that Christian still smelled like home.

"Thank you. I promise to make this quick." Christian said as he looked around Ollie's tiny apartment. _This place is smaller than my hotel room._

"Would you like something to drink? I have beer." Ollie offered.

"That would be great, thanks." Christian offered Ollie a grateful smile.

As Ollie walked to the refrigerator, Christian noticed a group of pictures clustered on a shelf against the far wall. He took a step closer to sneak a peek at Ollie's life since he left Germany. Christian saw a picture of Ollie with his arm around the woman he met this afternoon. They looked happy. He saw pictures of most of Ollie's family back home. There was a small frame in the back that contained a picture of Gregor and Christian, taken on the day Christian passed his final test for the University. Leaning against the wall behind this picture was a clipping from the local paper in Dusseldorf announcing Christian's loss of the regional championship four years ago. _I wonder who sent him that._

"See anything interesting?" Ollie said from behind Christian.

Christian grabbed the picture of Ollie and the woman and turned to face Ollie. "Is this your girlfriend?"

Ollie handed Christian his beer, "Meg? She's my best friend. I'm gay – remember?"

"I thought you were bi – sorry." Christian wasn't really sorry.

"I just said that for CoCo's sake. I thought it would be cruel to tell her she was a surrogate for you." Ollie said matter-of-factly.

"So, where's the picture of your boyfriend?" Christian asked as he took a swig of beer.

"We're not going there, Christian. Just tell me what you need to tell me, okay." Ollie motioned for Christian to take a seat on the only chair in the apartment, Ollie sat on the end of his bed, facing Christian.

"I guess that's fair." Christian finished the rest of his beer in one gulp.

"Do you need another?" Ollie asked as he got up to fetch another beer, predicting Christian's answer. He handed Christian the bottle and returned to his seat on the bed. Ollie waited, silently, for Christian to speak.

"I don't even know where to begin. Mostly I want to say I'm sorry. I treated you like shit and you didn't deserve it, Ollie. You are, without a doubt, the kindest person I have ever met and I am so lucky to have known you. I took you for granted. Ollie, I miss you." Christian took a swig of beer to keep himself from crying.

"I appreciate that you came to tell me that. It's very big of you." Ollie stood and walked to the door, opened it, and waited for Christian to leave.

"Ollie, I'm not finished yet. Can you please sit down?" Christian begged.

Ollie sighed, closed the door and stood in front of it – waiting for Christian to finish.

"I told Gregor tonight." Christian blurted out.

"I'm sorry – I don't understand. You told Gregor what?" Ollie was losing his patience, and he really wanted Christian to be gone now – looking at him was making Ollie's heart ache.

"I told him that I love you."

Ollie opened the door again, "You really need to leave now, Christian."

Christian walked to the door, and slammed it shut. He pushed Ollie against the door and kissed him.

Ollie pushed Christian away. "What the fuck? What is WRONG with you? Get out! NOW!"

"Ollie – I'm sorry. I just need you to understand. Please – just give me 10 more minutes. Then – if you want me to go – I promise – you won't ever hear from me again. Please." Christian's eyes were shedding tears.

"Ten minutes – that's it." Ollie pointed toward the chair, Christian obeyed.

Ollie chose to remain standing next to the door. "You might want to start talking – your time has already begun."

Christian sat in the chair. "The minute I met you I knew. At first, you were just someone I enjoyed being around. I looked forward to seeing you, got excited when I knew you would be home. Then, I started finding reasons to be with you more – the gym, the movies, or just hanging around the flat. Then, I saw you with Timo and it made me crazy. I didn't want you to be with Timo – not because I had a problem with you being gay – but because I wanted you to myself. Don't get me wrong – I had no idea that's what I was feeling at the time. I was so messed up about it – the way I was feeling. It just didn't compute. Then – I found out you kissed CoCo…" Christian took a swig of beer.

"…you know why I was so pissed? Because I wanted you to kiss me. I wasn't jealous of YOU, I was jealous of CoCo. How fucking stupid is that? Of course – that wasn't completely clear to me until that day at the boxing club when you kissed me – then all of the loose ends of my feelings crashed together. I was so freaked out."

Ollie saw pain in Christian's expression and he suddenly felt guilty. _I did that to him. Why am I so mad at him right now? It's my fault._ Ollie stepped toward Christian and knelt in front of him. He grabbed Christian's hand and said, "I am so sorry I did that to you, Christian. I never meant for things to get so out of control."

Christian looked at Ollie, his heart racing from Ollie's new proximity. His skin on fire where Ollie's fingers touched. "Don't be sorry – Ollie – I'm not. One of the best things that ever happened to me was you kissing me."

Christian cupped Ollie's face in his hands. "You woke something inside of me. That kiss unlocked my soul. And the night we made love set me free. It was exhilarating. And, it was terrifying. I ran from it - as fast as I could. It seemed like the more I ran, the closer you got. I loved you more and more. You supported me and you took care of me - no matter how badly I treated you. I came so close to giving into my urges - my feelings - on that last night. You were standing there, in my room, speaking my truth." Christian spoke with a far-away look in his eyes.

"You looked so fucking hot that night. I wanted to kiss you and touch you. I used to sit in the bathroom with my face buried in your gym clothes - just breathing you into me. Everything about you told me you were meant to be mine. I just wanted to be naked with you, pleasuring you, smelling you and tasting you. I was so close to just letting myself go - I had to do something to get away - to stop myself. I don't have to tell you how I got away from you, because you were there. God, Ollie - I am so so very very sorry." Christian looked into Ollie's eyes, still holding his face.

"Ollie, I thought you would be back. You always came back. I stomped all over you, because you always came back and I figured I would make it up to you later. You know - you would come back and I would let you. God - I was such a dick!" Christian rested his forehead on Ollie's.

"You deserved so much more than that. You know, I waited for months - still assuming you would be back. I had planned for a big apology, followed by this..." Christian slowly moved his lips toward Ollie's. Ollie wasn't pulling away this time. Christian's lips brushed Ollie's, sending hot bolts through his body.

The doorbell rang and Christian startled. "Why the hell do you need a doorbell in a place this size?"

Ollie pulled himself away from Christian and answered the door.

"You were right, he is an asshole, I can't..." Meg noticed Christian and stopped. She looked at Ollie, looked at Christian, and then back to Ollie. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you had plans tonight." She turned to leave and Ollie grabbed her arm.

"I don't. Christian was just leaving." Ollie turned toward Christian.

Christian stood, walked slowly to the door, looked at Ollie for some sort of invitation. He only saw 'good-bye' in Ollie's eyes.

"It was great to see you again, Christian. Thank you for tonight." Ollie closed the door.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Meg spent the better part of the next two hours convincing Ollie that he needed to give Christian a chance. Ollie was holding his own - though Meg was wearing him down.

"Ollie - you haven't been able to get this guy out of your system for FIVE years. I can't believe that this is just coincidence - I mean seriously! You're in New York - he's in Germany - and you both end up at the same meeting...AFTER bumping into each other on the same train...IN NEW YORK CITY! If you don't grab fate by the balls and take a risk I will kick you ass!" Meg was not going to let Ollie off the hook.

"Did you see him? He's beautiful. He really seems sincere. He said he loves me, Meg. You don't think I would be crazy to give him a chance after five years?" Ollie looked for reinforcement.

"Ollie - you would be crazy NOT to give this a chance. This guy could be THE ONE. I actually think he is your ONE. Please go get him!"

Ollie ran out the door.

Christian walked around for a while. He kept touching his lips, still feeling the sparks from his brush with Ollie's lips. He thought about how absolutely intense this trip had become. It seemed to Christian that there was a higher power at work here. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that just walking away would be like giving fate the finger. Christian reversed his route and headed back to Ollie's place.

Ollie stood in front of room 2403, knocking for the third time. He didn't understand why no one was answering - not even Gregor. _Maybe Gregor took Christian out to drown his sorrows._

Christian banged on Ollie's door after the obnoxious doorbell did not inspire him to open it. "Ollie - I'm not going anywhere. I need to finish this with you - I know you feel the same. Ollie - open the door. You've got to come out eventually - and I am going to wait right here until you do." Christian leaned against Ollie's door, his forehead resting on the frame.

"I think you're going to be waiting for a while - he's not in there."

Christian turned around. "So - the romantic gesture of role reversal from five years ago has been wasted on an empty apartment?" Christian asked the blue-eyed beauty standing in front of him.

"Well, I wouldn't say it's a complete waste." Ollie said as he pushed Christian against the door. Ollie put one arm around Christians waist and one hand grabbed Christian's hair as he pulled him in for a deep, penetrating kiss.

Christian felt the heat of Ollie's body pressed against his own. Ollie's mouth felt familiar and Christian's tongue roamed the warm, wet landscape as if on an expedition. They were breathing faster and already feeling the heat of desire. Ollie could feel his erection dancing with Christian's as they pushed into each other. They managed to pull themselves apart - breathless.

"Would you like to come in? We have some unfinished business." Ollie said between his panting breaths.

"Yes - I have so much to say to you..." Christian said, his eyes closed, his lips brushing against Ollie's neck as he spoke.

Ollie lightly pulled Christian's hair so his eyes were looking directly into Christian's. "Talking is not the unfinished business I had in mind."

"ohthankgod" Christian said as he lunged for Ollie's lips.

Ollie managed to get the door unlocked, and as he turned the door handle, he pulled himself reluctantly from Christian's hungry mouth and said, "I'm so glad you suck at keeping promises."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

They stumbled into the apartment, Christian slammed the door closed with his foot. They kissed as if it was a requirement for breathing. Five years of mutual longing and regret mixed together into a frenzy of deep, crushing kisses. Ollie had Christian pinned between himself and the door. Ollie's hand moved from Christian's hair, stroked his neck, felt the muscles underneath his shirt as he slowly moved toward Christian's waist. Ollie pushed Christian's shirt up and began to stroke the skin of his abdomen. Christian moaned when he felt the heat from Ollie's fingers and he sank his teeth gently into Ollie's neck. Ollie's hands reached Christian's chest, his thumbs rubbed Christian's nipples.

"You've been working out." Ollie said with a sexy, low-pitched tone.

Christian and Ollie were panting, eyes locked on each other. Ollie smiled as he continued to explore Christian's torso, raising Christian's shirt higher and higher. Christian looked at Ollie with something like surprise mixed with wonder. Ollie was unsure how to read him.

"Is this O.K. - do you want me to stop?" Ollie asked, suddenly looking concerned. Ollie began to back away, pulling his hands off of Christian's body.

Christian suddenly felt cold spots where Ollie's hands had been. He grabbed Ollie by the waist, pulling him back until their bodies were pressed together. Christian kissed Ollie tenderly. "Don't stop - ever." He whispered into Ollie's mouth.

Ollie's hands found their way back to Christian's body and he pulled Christian's shirt over his head in one, quick motion. "Christian..." Ollie said as he admired his soon-to-be lover's body with his eyes, hands, and tongue. Ollie's body was fully charged, he felt his desire for the man leaning against his door from his head to his toes - with an electric throb in the center. Ollie's tongue licked Christian's neck and shoulders, tasting the salt of his sweat. Ollie's hands found their way to Christian's belt buckle, as he slowly pulled Christian's belt away, he slid his tongue down Christian's chest and abdomen and he sunk to his knees. Ollie slowly unbuttoned Christian's jeans, looking up to make sure Christian was still with him - that they were still on the same page. As he pulled Christian's jeans down, taking his boxers with them, Ollie saw that Christian's body was DEFINITELY still on the same page. Ollie marveled at Christian's cock, perfectly erect, throbbing and moist. Ollie took one final look at Christian's eyes before diving into his fantasy. He saw Christian looking back, eyes dark, mouth open as he panted. He felt Christian's fingers find their way to his hair, grabbing fists full as Christian expressed his desire in the only way his body could. Ollie took Christian into his mouth, sucking the tip of Christian's cock lightly.

"God, Christian, you taste so good!" Ollie said right before he took as much of Christian into his mouth as possible. Ollie's head bobbed with more and more frenzy as he lost himself to the sensations of Christian - his smell, this taste, the feel of his hard cock gliding in and out of his mouth. Ollie loved that Christian had buried his fingers in his hair with such care, making sure that he wasn't forcing himself too much into Ollie's throat.

"Ollie. Oh - God. Ollie. Wait - hold on." Christian pulled himself from Ollie's mouth.

Ollie froze. _He's freaking out. Shit. What was I thinking._ Ollie could feel his heart breaking as Christian sank to his knees and grabbed Ollie's face with both hands.

"Hey..." Christian kissed Ollie, deeply. "I can taste myself on your tongue." Christian smiled.

"What's wrong? Why did you stop me?" Ollie asked with such a sad expression, Christian felt a lump form in his throat.

"Oh - Baby. Don't look so sad. I fully intend on getting myself right back into that beautiful mouth of yours as quickly as possible. I just thought you were a little over dressed." Christian kissed Ollie again, holding his head as he slowly entered his mouth with his tongue. Christian's hands moved down his neck, pulling his shirt up by the collar.

Ollie pulled out of the kiss and took his shirt off. He stood, pulled Christian up off the floor, pulled him into another fevered kiss as he spun Christian around and pushed him onto the bed. Christian kicked the jeans and boxers that were still wrapped around his ankles to the floor. He managed to get Ollie out of his pants in a few seconds. Christian leaned back onto the bed, pulling Ollie on top of him. Christian's hands explored the muscles of Ollie's back. As his hands moved across Ollie's body, he felt like he finally found home. _This man has my heart - it's always been Ollie._

Everything came naturally. Christian and Ollie fit together like they were custom made by God to be together. Christian took in every detail of Ollie as if he were finding hidden treasure. Ollie felt his world click into place. Christian decided that night that he had a favorite flavor - Ollie. He couldn't get enough of him. Christian nearly passed out from the rush of blood directed toward his explosive orgasm when he felt Ollie come inside of him - Ollie's hand stroking Christian in duplicate rhythm. After four hours, and many, many orgasms, Christian rested his head on Ollie's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, and they feel asleep with the early morning sun warming the room. Christian could feel the sweat between their skin as they tumbled into a dreamless slumber.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Close your eyes or you'll get shampoo in them." Christian said as he washed Ollie's hair.

"You know, when Cedric washes my hair, he doesn't get anything in my eyes." Ollie said with a giggle.

"Cedric? I thought you have spent every moment pining for me over the last five years?" Christian rinsed Ollie's hair with the handheld shower head.

"Cedric is my hair stylist."

"Oh yeah - well, I bet Cedric's service doesn't include this." Christian slid down Ollie's chest and proceeded to service Ollie from the kneeling position.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Turn around, I'll dry your back."

"Christian," Ollie spoke to Christian while facing the mirror, Looking at Christian standing behind him. "Where do we go from here?"

Christian looked at Ollie in the mirror. "We...I mean, you...I...shit."

Ollie turned around to face Christian, "I just want to make sure we are on the same page, that's all."

"I was so caught up in the moment, I didn't think about…I mean, logistically." Christian admitted.

"So, you assumed there would be a future, but you didn't consider how that would work? Or, you just thought we would have a moment right here and right now, and that would be the end of it? I just want to be clear." Ollie had an edge to his voice.

"I mean – I didn't really think about it either way. Why are you getting upset? Tell me Ollie, did you think about anything beyond getting into my pants?" Christian was starting to get mad now.

"Nice – very nice." Ollie suddenly felt very naked – and not in a good way. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around himself.

"Shit. Ollie, I'm sorry. That wasn't fair. Can we just talk about this without any baggage?" Christian asked gently.

Ollie looked at Christian, thinking about his question very carefully. "Hmm. I honestly don't think I can, Christian. Can you?"

"I can try. I want to. I want to figure this out. Ollie, I know I need you in my life. I would like to talk about how we can make it work." Christian reached for Ollie's hand.

"I'm listening – tell me how this could possibly work. We live an ocean apart, Christian. Or, perhaps pen-pals is what you had in mind." Ollie's sarcasm was intense.

"Not exactly. I guess the only solution that comes to mind – you know – off the top of my head…" Christian tried to be very careful as he put his words together, "…is that you would come home."

"Christian, I am home. I'm happy here. I have a nice life, good friends. The only piece missing is you – but I managed to find a way to be happy anyway. I'm not moving back to Dusseldorf. Any other ideas?" Ollie's eyes showed every bit of his heartbreak as he realized that Christian had not changed as much as he had hoped.

"I don't know if I can be in a long-distance relationship, Ollie. But I am willing to try." Christian said.

"I'm not." Ollie said simply.

"What are our options then?" Christian said with an audible whine.

"Well, I guess there are none. I'm just glad we figured it out sooner rather than later. It's just one night – we can just chalk it up to closure." Ollie touched Christian's face with a loving gesture that spoke volumes. He loved this selfish, clueless man more than his heart could bear.

Ollie leaned into Christian and kissed him. "I just didn't know it was closure at the time." Ollie dropped the towel that had been covering his body and pulled Christian onto the bed. They savored each touch as if the memory needed to last a lifetime. Afterward, they held each other and cried.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The train was crowded. Ollie felt himself being pushed into the door before the train had come to a complete stop. He nearly fell as he was shoved out of the door by the swell of New Yorkers behind him. He was caught by someone standing in front of the door, who helped to steady him on his feet.

"Doesn't look like you had a fun commute!" Christian said as he put his arm around a wobbly Ollie.

"It's better now." Ollie said, blue eyes sparkling as he kissed Christian gently. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," Christian said as he picked up the small ice chest from the ground at his feet, "I thought we could walk to the park and have a little picnic tonight. There is a summer film festival, I think tonight's film is subtitled – from GERMAN!"

Ollie laughed – it felt good to laugh. "What's the special occasion?"

"Ollie! You don't remember? Today is the one-year anniversary of the day that I became the man you deserve." Christian pulled Ollie into him with his free arm and kissed him deeply.

"I remember." Ollie said breathlessly.

It was a day that neither will forget, because it changed everything.

Christian stood at the gate, looking anxiously toward the security line. He had been pacing for the last twenty minutes, waiting for Ollie to change his mind and show up.

"I can't believe you still expect so much from him." Gregor said from behind Christian's shoulder.

Christian turned to face Gregor, "What are you talking about?"

"Ollie. You actually expect that he is going to give up everything to fit into your world. I guess I thought you would have grown up a bit over the last five years." Gregor said with and air of disappointment.

"So, you think it's reasonable for Ollie to expect me to just move across the world just to be with him?" Christian said with his usual bravado.

"Did he ask you to do that?" Gregor asked.

Christian looked at Gregor, silently.

Gregor waited.

"No." Christian said.

"No, of course he didn't. But – let me guess. You asked him to move across the world for you?" Gregor cocked his head in a gesture that told Christian he should be getting a big point.

"I asked him – not really asked – I guess I assumed out loud – anyway, I just figured he would want to move home now. You know….HOME? Where he came from. The place he left. The place where I live – with my ONLY family – I mean, do you think I would leave you?" Christian knew that was something Gregor couldn't argue with.

"I'm your brother. I will always be your brother. No matter where you live. I will also marry someday. Have a family. Where does that leave you? You have this person that you love – right here. Someone who loves you! You have been waiting for him to give everything up for a long time. The thing is – he DID give everything up for you – over and over and over – until he had nothing left to give. So he left to get some of that back for himself. And now you expect that he will just give it all up for you again? Don't you think you owe him a little bit of sacrifice? Don't you think you need to prove a few things before he can be expected to accommodate for you? Did that ever occur to you? How can my brother be such a flaming idiot?" Gregor turned and walked away, shaking his head. He stood there, with his back to his brother for several minutes, trying to think of what he could say that would break through Christian's stubbornness. Gregor turned around and Christian was gone. Gregor smiled.

Ollie lounged in bed – his eyes were closed as he pictured Christian boarding his plane. He already felt so far away. Ollie wrapped himself up in the bed sheet, burying his head in a pillow. He literally surrounded himself in Christian's smell. He wondered how long his tiny apartment would smell like the fleeting love they shared. It had already been 46-hours and it still smelled so intoxicating. Ollie felt the familiar lump forming in his throat, and he concentrated on making it go away. _How long before my heart stops hurting this time?_

Despite the pain of feeling like he lost Christian all over again – Ollie had no regrets. This time was different – this time he knew Christian loved him back. Ollie heard a faint knock at his door. He knew it couldn't be Meg – she always used the obnoxious doorbell. Ollie didn't want to leave his Christian-cocoon, whoever it was would come back. He sighed and buried his head deeper into the pillow that smelled like Christian's hair. There was another knock – this time louder – followed by the doorbell. _Fuck!_

Ollie opened the door, expecting Meg. Instead he found himself looking into the eyes of his future. He felt a bursting sensation in his chest. Ollie felt his eyes well up as the final piece of his life's puzzle fell into place.

"What took you so long?" Ollie said through his wide smile.

"We're going to need a bigger place." Christian said as he pushed Ollie toward the bed and slammed the door behind him.


End file.
